Carlos Will Be Carlos
by Fish Stick Friday
Summary: At Kendall's bachelor party, Logan is stuck taking care of a very drunk Carlos. Kendall and James are nowhere to be seen, and soon Logan realizes why as the alcohol seems to bring out Carlos' craziness...amongst other things...


**A/N: This is dedicated to CheekyBrunette because she and I are all about the Cargan. Lol. This is the third and final part of my Green-Eyed Monster story arc. Also, all I've been writing lately is drama and angst and dark stuff. I need to write something like this. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**Carlos Will Be Carlos**

It was the night of Kendall's bachelor party. Everyone was having a good time. Well everyone but Logan. There was so much that was morally wrong about what they were doing that Logan didn't even know where to begin.

First of all, they were at a strip club. A strip club! They asked people for their ID's at the front door. Sure they were using fake ID's, but what if they got caught? No one under eighteen was supposed to be on the premises, yet none of them were old enough. That is why Logan insisted on just doctoring their dates of birth on their fake ID's. Their pictures were the same. Their names were the same. That's another thing too! They were using fake ID's! Fake ID's!

Now according to their ID's, they were of drinking age because, of course, the strip club also served alcohol. Logan had never tried so much as a sip of alcohol before in his life. Plus, he was the designated driver for the night, so he wasn't allowed to tonight anyways even if he wanted to, which he didn't.

Finally, Logan loved Camille. But if he was being completely honest with himself, seeing scantily clad girls parade around like they were, well, let's just say that Logan wished Camille had talked him _out_ of going to Kendall's bachelor party.

This was the first time Carlos had ever had any alcohol, and one thing was for sure, the helmet-wearing member of Big Time Rush could not hold his booze. Plus, alcohol only seemed to bring out Carlos' craziness. It didn't take Logan long to realize that Carlos was one of those overly happy drunks. He wasn't the only one who noticed that either.

"Aw, c'mon! Where ya goin'?" Carlos slurred, staggering around like Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Away from you! You're weird!" the 'performer' commented. "You wouldn't stop laughing."

"What? They felt funny!"

Logan slapped his forehead. He didn't even want to know what Carlos thought felt funny. Leave it to Carlos to scare away a 'performer.'

Ever since it was apparent that Carlos was wasted, Kendall and James made themselves scarce. In fact, Logan wasn't even sure they were still even at the strip club. He hadn't seen either one of them in so long.

"There ya are, buddy!" Carlos shouted, moseying his way over to Logan.

He tripped on the way, spilling beer all over Logan's shirt. Carlos started laughing hysterically while somehow managing to keep a look on his face that was reminiscent of a small child getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Really?" Logan remarked, none too pleased that his shirt was not just wet, but reeked of alcohol.

Carlos draped an arm over Logan's shoulder. Other guys in attendance were shooting Carlos dirty looks, but he didn't even seem to notice.

"How you doin'?" Carlos asked, waggling his eyebrows at Logan.

Logan wasn't sure what Carlos' deal was. It kind of seemed like Carlos was flirting with Logan. As if Logan didn't feel uncomfortable enough as it was without one of his best guy friends starting to hit on him in public no less!

It was then that Logan realized _why_ Kendall and James left him in charge of taking care of an extremely drunk Carlos. Did they know what he was like drunk? Impossible! How could they know? This was the first time any of them had ever drank before! Wasn't it?

Carlos grabbed Logan's chin, and shook his sober friend's head back and forth so hard that he nearly gave Logan whiplash.

"I asked you a question!" Carlos whined.

Logan was starting to rethink his diagnosis of Carlos being an overly happy drunk. On second thought, maybe he was an overly emotional drunk. Right on cue, Carlos started wailing hysterically.

Logan chuckled nervously. He rubbed the back of his neck as people started to stare at the two of them. He grabbed Carlos' hand, and dragged him behind him to the restroom where at least they wouldn't have an audience.

No sooner did they make it to the bathroom did Carlos upchuck all over Logan's shoes. The taller boy wrinkled his face up in disgust as the stench burned his nostrils. Carlos grinned innocently afterwards, a bit of vomit stuck between his two front teeth.

"Come on. Let's get you cleaned up," Logan said, leading Carlos over to the sink.

XXXXX

Kendall just got back from one of the back rooms. He had just had one of the 'performers' give him a private showing. Well actually, James did. It was rather odd the more Kendall thought about it.

James kept putting singles on the stage in front of Kendall. Consequently, a girl would walk over to Kendall and practically throw herself at him. One would think that James would want the ladies all to himself, but he was far too busy making sure Kendall made the most of his bachelor party.

Even Kendall had to admit that these girls were drop dead gorgeous, and they had rocking bodies, but that didn't change the fact that in Kendall's heart, there was only room for one girl, and that girl was Jo.

Since James was practically footing the bill for Kendall, he spent all of his night following Kendall around. He would even go so far as to wait for Kendall just outside the curtain to one of the back rooms.

At first, Kendall didn't understand why James insisted on following him around. Was it because he had a case of sour grapes that he wasn't Kendall's best man? Didn't Kendall already go through that with Logan way back when?

Once Kendall saw that Carlos was hammered on the other side of the club, Kendall started to understand why James was following him around. Anything was better than being around an intoxicated Carlos. Here Kendall thought Carlos on a sugar high was bad. Drunk Carlos was way worse!

At one point, James even made the comment to Kendall, "That's your best man!"

Kendall merely rolled his eyes, and nudged James in the ribs with his elbow. He couldn't help but feel sorry for Logan. After all, he was the one stuck with the unenviable task of taking care of an inebriated Carlos.

XXXXX

Logan and Carlos had emerged from the bathroom. Logan couldn't help but notice the weird looks he was receiving from myriad people. He tried to think nothing of it though, hoping that the worst of it was over. Boy was he ever wrong!

Amazingly enough, through all of that, Carlos clutched his empty beer bottle like it was his security blanket. He tipped the bottle up and held it to his eye.

"Aww! It's empty!" Carlos pouted.

"Carlos, I really don't think you need another…" Logan said before he noticed that Carlos had long since vanished.

Logan spotted Carlos off in the distance at the bar probably no doubt ordering another beer from the bartender. Logan fought his way through the crowd which was easier said than done. This place was packed.

Along the way, one of the girls fastened a leather belt around Logan's neck like it was a dog collar, and started to pull Logan behind her to one of the back rooms.

"Not now!" Logan scolded. "I need to get to my friend!"

The girl paid him no mind. She continued to drag a protesting Logan behind her to one of the curtained back rooms. She gave him a firm push, and he fell down on the seat in the small room. Once she started removing one article of clothing after another, Logan started to really feel uncomfortable.

"I have a girlfriend!" Logan said with authority.

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her," the 'performer' said in a sultry, seductive voice.

She then climbed on top of Logan, straddling his hips. She started to grind her pelvis into Logan's in a rhythmic fashion. Logan tried to look away, but this girl wasn't taking no for an answer; with the leash around his neck, she all but forced him to stare at her cleavage.

"You know, you're really hot. What's your name?" the girl whispered in Logan's ear, taking a moment to nibble on his ear lobe.

"Logannnnn," Carlos' voice echoed through the hallway.

Soon, Carlos poked his head in through the curtain. As weird as it sounded, was Logan ever glad to see Carlos! Carlos' jaw dropped when he saw what was going on behind closed curtains. He stormed over to the girl, and forcefully shoved her backwards.

"Back off!" Carlos nearly growled.

He then proceeded to snatch the makeshift leash from the girl, and led Logan out of the confines of the curtained room by it.

The 'performer' couldn't help but wonder if Carlos was the 'girlfriend' Logan had been mentioning after all. Based on what she just got done witnessing, it certainly seemed like it.

XXXXX

James saw Carlos and Logan emerge from one of the back rooms. Logan had a belt tied around his neck, and Carlos was using it to pull Logan behind him. James immediately started choking on the beer he had been drinking.

Kendall stared at one of his best friends who was coughing and sputtering. Before Kendall could even get the question out, James was pointing across the room at Carlos and Logan.

"Oh. My. God!" Kendall exclaimed.

After that, Kendall was at a loss for words. He merely stared at two of his other best friends wide-eyed. Surely there had to be some perfectly logical explanation for whatever that was, right? Surely Carlos and Logan didn't…Kendall couldn't even finish his train of thought without throwing up a little in his mouth.

As repulsive as the thought was, oddly enough, it was also extremely amusing. How could anyone see the two of them emerge from one of the back rooms at a strip club and _not_ come to that conclusion? If James and Kendall had anything to say about it, Carlos and Logan would not be living this night down any time in the near future.

XXXXX

"Boy was I glad to see you," Logan commented to Carlos, earning him some quizzical looks from those around him, Carlos excluded.

How quickly Logan's relief soon turned into horror as he soon found his face being groped by Carlos' roaming hands.

"Yer so cute! I mean look at this face!" Carlos gushed.

Though it wasn't the most _masculine _thing to do, Logan swatted Carlos' hands away. To everyone else, it looked like the two boy band members were having a lover's quarrel.

"Carlos, knock it off! You're causing a scene!" Logan said in a hushed whisper.

Only Carlos didn't knock it off. He didn't knock it off at all. Instead, he wrapped both of his arms around Logan's neck. He pressed their foreheads together.

"Do ya think I'm cute too?" Carlos asked, the alcohol on his breath nearly enough to make Logan gag, especially given their close proximity.

From the eleven some odd years Logan has known Carlos, he knew that in situations like these, the best thing to do was appease Carlos; stroke his ego.

"Yes, Carlos, you're adorable. Now cut it out," Logan once again said in a hushed whisper.

Upon hearing Logan say that, Carlos' eyes lit up, nearly tripling in size.

"Aw Logie, ya mean it?" Carlos shouted even though Logan was right in front of his face.

The only comfort Logan could take from all of this was the fact that after tonight he would never see any of these people again except for Kendall, James, and…except for Kendall and James. After tonight, Logan wasn't so sure about Carlos.

Besides, it wasn't like there were paparazzi at the strip club snapping photos of BTR's bachelor party. Logan was temporarily blinded by the flash of a camera. It was official. Mortified didn't even begin to describe how Logan felt right about now. He wanted to do nothing more but crawl into a corner and weep. Why was the world against him tonight? He was a good person!

"Alright, that does it!" Logan exclaimed, squirming out of Carlos' clutches. "I'm out of here!"

Just as he was leaving, Carlos did something that stopped Logan in his tracks. He turned back around, and walked over to Carlos, an incredulous look on his face.

"Did you just slap my butt cheek?" Logan asked.

Carlos scoffed. "What? No! That would be weird! That would be weird, right?"

"Yes!"

"Hey, it's not my fault yer so pretty!"

Logan tried his darnedest to ignore the eyes he felt on his back. He wouldn't be surprised if everyone in the room was watching him and Carlos now. Heck, even the 'performers' probably stopped what they were doing so they could see and hear what was going on!

"Can you say that any louder?" Logan whispered, irritated.

"Hey, it's not my fault yer so pretty!" Carlos screamed at the top of his lungs.

"I was being sarcastic!"

Logan didn't care if as soon as he stepped foot outside he got ran over by a semi, fell off a cliff, and struck by lightning three times. Anything, and Logan meant _anything_ would be better than being in this accursed strip club with Carlos one second longer!

From across the room, Kendall and James were in stitches. Were they ever glad that Logan convinced Camille to let him come to this bachelor party! Kendall and James would have to be sure to find some way to thank Camille later for a night none of them will soon forget…except for maybe Carlos.

"Aw! They make such a cute couple!" James remarked.

**The End**

**A/N: Um…yeah…there aren't even words…This was…I just…yeah…**


End file.
